I share a commonality with many people: I’m not a fan of failure. For a long time, I had an uneasy relationship it. The thought of failing at something left me anxious and fearful, so much so that I chased success often.
From grade school to high school to college to my first career job, I was relentless in my pursuit of success. I’m not saying I was a straight-A student, but any signs of impending failure would trigger a wave of anxious thoughts.
Fortunately, none of them came true. I didn’t flunk out of high school. I didn’t fall short of my college degrees, even though those journalism classes punished you gravely for factual mistakes (a full grade for an error in fact, which could be as simple as misspelling a person’s last name – i.e. Smith instead of Smyth). I didn’t get fired from my first job (or any job).
All in all, the fear of failure served as a good motivator. Then I decided to write a novel.
From that moment on, I learned quickly how to change my perspective on failure. I naively thought I would write novel within a few months, have a perfect first draft and then get it published and on bookshelves shortly thereafter.
If the editing process didn’t humble me enough, the query process grounded me. Like any aspiring author, rejections are common and plentiful. I have an Excel sheet with at least 70 agents that I pitched Legend Has It to over the years. You can guess how many of those were successful.
Looking back, I realize that failure isn’t this scary thing we make it out to be. I’ve learned that it is actually the best teacher there is. While I didn’t end up dropping out of school, I did fail plenty of times in my march toward graduation. There were plenty of assignments I wasn’t proud of and some test scores that were worth forgetting. But those failures helped me evolve and learn better practices and approaches for future tasks.
I failed multiple times at every job I’ve had. I had seven factual errors in the stories I wrote at the Wausau Daily Herald during the summer of 2009. This landed me on a 90-day probation with the looming threat of losing my job if I didn’t improve. I chalked those errors up to some bad luck and stress, but that moment of trial snapped me awake. Some of my best work came during those three months.
I’ve failed in my relationships too. I’ve been a bad friend. I’ve said the wrong thing. I’ve made bad choices and hurt people in the process. The thing about failure, though, is that it’s essential. Could I have become the person I am today without making those mistakes in the past? How could I show up better in my relationships if I didn’t falter? I needed those failures to adapt and evolve and be better today.
That doesn’t just apply to relationships. It applies to everything. The failed test becomes the aced assignments down the road. The terrible first draft becomes the polished manuscript. The multiple rejections become the long-awaited offer.
I’ve learned that failure isn’t something to be feared. Sure, it’s not pleasant, but it serves a purpose. It’s essential and inevitable. It teaches us what works and what doesn’t. It helps us look for ways to improve. We will all fail at many points in our lives, but what we do with that failure makes all the difference.
I still have moments when that old fear creeps in. Each time, I remind myself of all the good that has come from failure. Those multiple rejections are the perfect reminder.
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